So far, I’ve made much sense of my life. But, to avoid sounding like I am bragging, I will say instead: there is great meaning in life- even if the world appears chaotic. Even in light of suffering, I would say life has meaning and purpose. And, therefore so do I.

Truth is like a great umbrella, like a midnight blue sky full of stars. It’s been there all a long, just waiting for me to pay attention. Now, in light of my lowly position, full of frailties and foolishness, I can understand that everything I’ve suffered so far makes sense.

What a relief! Nobody wants to suffer for no explanation whatsoever except one is fate’s beating toy. Or, ‘the gods are angry,’ said the ancient Greeks in their time.

The sharpest and cruelest of human suffering is when children view pain or abandonment as a reflection of their worth. If they are treated like garbage, they may believe that is who they are.

But, the claim that a person’s suffering is a reflection of one’s worth is not necessarily true. The assumption does not hold up to scrutiny.

The most excellent people on the planet suffer, to write great books, to make scientific discoveries, to learn to fly. People commit their lives suffering purposefully, sacrificing much to achieve dreams.

Jesus was killed. Seers and cultural critics are “offed” for purposes of preserving power structures. It can be said in some cases those of high value suffer. Not low value. Suffering -then- is not a reflection of our worth.

So, I don’t mind now my difficult past. It’s possible the next half of my life will be reliving some of those disappointments and sorrows and thinking new thoughts about them. Scientists call this neuroplasticity.

To illustrate this claim one scientist, Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, states that our perception of adverse circumstances determines how well we recover. Those who do not view suffering as a reflection of their worth recover more easily. (Video at bottom of page).

This scientist noted a case of a Muslim woman who was hit occasionally by her husband. The young wife just assumed men were jerks. She did not experience debilitating feelings of shame or lack of value. Only after watching Oprah and ‘exploring her feelings’ did symptoms of her so-called low self worth emerge: depression, anxiety, and inability to cope with day to day life.

It is sad how much time I spent by myself as a child. And, how much meaningless garbage I saw on television.

But, now I particularly value great books, innovations, history and learning! Perhaps if the quality of TV programming was better, I may never have gone to such great lengths to explore life’s potential – or my own. I may have lived on intellectual -isms and truth-y tidbits on tea bags. And, been content to watch Bay Watch and eat BBQ on weekends.

Maybe I owe Hollywood a debt of thanks! Thanks to your incessant, nauseating, meaningless productions, I have become a force of nature in pursuit of what is meaningful and true.

Plus, just because I did not have a happy childhood then, does not mean I can’t have a happy childhood now. After all, Jesus says: we must be like little children to enter the kingdom. That’s great because I really need a nap.