I’ve been searching my soul to identify and describe dehumanizing effects of the modern world. Every effort at devaluing my inherent worth as a human being has left behind an orphan- an idea, hope, or dream of who I may become- that was avoided or forgotten. My soul is a sea of orphans, sacrificed at the altar of “Progress.”

Jung described a childlike part of the self he called Shadow. I believe he means: shadows of people we may have become with concentrated effort directed toward our well-being as children. Where who we are matters. And what we may become – the best version of ourselves- is the goal of parenting.

Public schools cannot replace parents. At school my major take away was: I am only one of many. I have no right to anything but what I have in common possession with the group. That is, the teachers’ attention mostly. As one of thirty, how shall I justify my own needs and questions above so many others?

That is the goal of “socialization,” to inculcate into future citizens of the world “you are not distinct, you are not special.” This is how to “engineer equality” according to 20th public education philosophy. John Dewey’s school of thought, I believe.

The individual, a sovereign being possessing inherent dignity, was not to think critically anymore. Or, independently – for the greater good of humanity.

Perhaps the less-than-genius idea of last century’s educators was: if everybody thought the same, believed the same, had one identity and one communal experience (carefully planned by the social engineers in public education and reinforced by television programming, like PBS), then there would be no wars, ethnic feuds, or rivalry or competition between anyone.

Anyway, I didn’t have an identity when I arrived at school. Living in an environment where I must subjugate my own needs to that of the group constantly proved very destructive. So, that is the path I chose as a young person- one of nihilistic self destruction.

One may claim it was sort of a ‘revolution’ or ‘protest’ of the modern education system on my part. But, people with little to no identity as children can’t claim such sophisticated agendas. At home, I was the last of several children with very little attention. At school, there were 30 more children with whom I shared space. That I did not matter very much at all to anyone seemed a factual reality.

But, I have found sufficient proof that my claims to the universe calling me or drawing me home is true. Henri J.M. Nouwen in his book, Life of the Beloved, says that each of us starts in the heart of God, before our existence in this world. In in his heart, then, we find our home, and who we truly are.

I am free to explore all those hopes, dreams, and orphaned ideas that never were free to emerge before. It’s a crowd, to be sure. But, I am part of the “In” crowd, now!